Alone

A study in self awareness.

Alone is not the same as lonely.

Alone can be a voluntary state. I choose to be alone often. I am an introvert in the main. My OCD and Depression lead me to that state. This in itself does not make me lonely. Often when I am alone is when I am at my happiest. When I’m engrossed in my gardening, creating things or enjoying my hobby I am mainly content, enthused and often manic in behaviour.

When I am with her and she is not there in mind I feel most alone. This is loneliness at its worst. She is there right in front of me but not there. My mind rolls through all of the things we did together. The love I feel for her does not reduce, but all the while my loneliness increases every day.

I miss arms that held me through the want to do so. A mouth that kissed me from lust and desire. But most of all I miss her smile and laughter.